17 Jan, 2022
With Marisa Garau
If there’s anything we should have learned from 2021, it must be that being subjected to tough circumstances and outrageous conspiracy fantasies doesn’t make for a joyful and fulfilling life. Many of us feel drained and burned out. We’ve not only had to carry the physical burden of lockdowns, but we were also weighed down by an endless discussion about violently conflicting ‘truths’.
Connection
We are well adapted to cope with physical challenges, but we are not so good at withstanding ideas that undermine our sense of connection and belonging. While criticising and playing the blame game seemed mightily clever at first, the distrust virus that has so successfully rivalled Covid now starts to show its sad implications: losing dear friends who don’t want to be lured into that dark gorge of cynicism and bitterness. Distrust is a true killer, and it’s no coincidence that one of the pillars of the mindfulness philosophy is its direct opposite: trust.
Naive
But when I started practising mindfulness 17 years ago, I struggled with the concept of trust. I had been working in my ad agency for many stressful years and trust seemed such a stupid concept, ugh! I had lived in a world filled with backstabbers, broken promises and carefully negotiated contracts that offer zero protection when things turned sour. So I laughed bitterly about the principle of trust as I considered trust incredibly naive.
Wither
But at the same time I had to admit that my cynical approach hadn’t enriched my life, nor had it protected me from failure. I had been depressed for years, I had constantly been touring a circus of medical specialists to address an array of ailments, and burnout had forced me to quit my agency. I discovered that I had very little trust: I didn’t trust the world, I didn’t trust others, and I didn’t have a lot of trust in myself. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots and understand that good health, self-confidence and genuine relationships can’t but wither under the stark shadows of distrust.
Silly
While distrust grows from the toxic soil of fear, trust keeps us firmly rooted in love and compassion. This doesn’t mean that we should let things slip in the name of ‘trust’. Trust is an active attitude that requires effort, strength and resilience. Distrust is reactive and lazy, since we can always find fault with others. Trust however demands to be practised in a state of heightened awareness, constantly monitoring ego’s harsh judgements and kindly but firmly resisting to act upon its silly conclusions.
Game changer
Trust is like tying our boat to a buoy. The waves may be raging, but the buoy remains put. Trust ensures that our boat does not drift and prevents us from allowing circumstances in the outer world to dictate our thoughts, feelings and actions. Trust is a true game changer because of its reciprocal character: we’ll find that when we give trust, we will receive it in return. This way, trust can grow within our families, within our communities and within our society. And with trust, emotional fulfilment becomes a whole lot more attainable for all of us.
n Marisa Garau is a mindfulness expert who has lived in Mangawhai since 2007. Find more practical tips on how to de-stress your life at her website or flick her an email if you’d like to have a personal chat: marisa@growingmindfulness.com
