Ed Said - Please let this stupidity stop!

 

I once saw a concrete truck slip on a banana skin as it was backing in to a building site. The result? Nineteen dead and injured, the carnage was just out of this world. The driver was eating a sausage from a sausage sizzle and some of the ‘top’ onions came free and fell on to the brake pedal causing his foot to slip off and the truck to plough into a bunch of council health and safety staff on a day trip to look after the world. The driver has since been on stress leave, on full pay of course, and his marriage has broken down. His kids have given up eating fruit and vegetables because they are so afraid that something terrible could happen to them.

Not a true story of course but not as far-fetched as it might seem. 

Just when you thought political correctness had already gone over the top the powers that be (in Australia this time) have, last week, dropped the bombshell. We are now under the threat of – wait for it – Sausage-gate!

Summer is the time for the sausage sizzle and no ‘snag in a blanket’ is complete without onion on top, sometimes caramelised but generally leaning towards greasy. Summer is simply the time for greasies. I’m all for reasonable health and safety, well-cooked food, careful with gas and flame, but this is ridiculous. Nontheless it’s true. New guidelines on how to prepare a safe sausage sizzle sandwich have just been introduced by Bunnings Warehouse in Australia and NZ, governing how sausage sizzles should be conducted from now on. This is primarily aimed at those who hire barbecues from Bunnings for fundraising purposes. Safe? Well may you ask.

The crux of the matter is that fried onion can no longer be placed on top of the sausage, but now has to be on the bottom. The shift tackles the apparent dangers posed by a few bits of fried onion falling onto the ground. 

"Safety is always our number one priority and we recently introduced a suggestion that onion be placed underneath sausages to help prevent the onion from falling out and creating a slipping hazard," says Bunnings Australia chief operating officer Debbie Poole.

I kid you not! What happens when you are delivered a sausage into your right hand, then pass it to your left hand? Does the top then become the bottom? The longitudinal shape of a sausage is round after all. How would a left-handed person accept a sausage.? Would it not immediately be reversed, top-to bottom?

An Aussie talkback radio station went berserk when this was aired with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Renowned chefs were amused. "I have spilt my fair share of onions on the ground and I haven't seen anybody slip over yet," said one.

One mother observed 'if you put the onions underneath the sausage, the flimsy bread goes soggy and the whole thing collapses. Ergo, risk of onion slippage exponentially increases'. Interesting assessment.

Most are of a mind that they don't care if the sausage is great or not and certainly don't care if the onions are underneath, a fundraiser for a good cause is a good cause and they would buy the sausage anyway. Sausage-gate has also caused a spicy response on social media, with many snarling at the health and safety rules.

Another company involved in barbie hiring for fundraisers, The Warehouse, said "We're satisfied with our sausage safety standards. To be frank, our customers know onions are for eating, not dropping.”

At the end of the day Bunnings doesn't believe the change will have much of an impact anyway and in general foodies everywhere seem to agree: On top or underneath, who cares – but onions are a must.

Rob