Teen Turbulance: Understanding your growing kids

 

BY ROB POOLEY

Teenagers are not always what they appear to be, despite all the analysis. Most reading this will have been through their teenage years, and nearly everyone will have a different slant on how it went according to your home situation, financial status, social standing, schooling and sport achievements. 

Of course, teenagers today are part of a very different world with a lot of similarities but also a lot of different issues to deal with.
Adrienne Wood is a presenter, educator and parent consultant. She has a particular interest in children presenting with complex behavioural needs. Drawing on her training with the Neufeld Institute she seeks to help parents and professionals better understand youth from an attachment-based developmental perspective. She is also an experienced high school teacher, human development lecturer and is mother to two adolescents of her own.

“Conventional forms of parenting rely on tools such rewards and consequences,” Adrienne says. “While these strategies work quite nicely with most children, they are least likely to work with children who have the most behavioural needs. These children need a gentler touch and a deeper understanding of the dynamics that underpin their behaviour.” 

Parents tend to pull back from their children as they grow older hoping they will begin to self-manage or thinking they’re not needed by them anymore, she says.

“For sensitive children who feel things more deeply, under the surface this feels a bit like rejection. So, they begin to act out and pretend they ‘don’t need adults in their life anyway’. It makes parenting teens a lot trickier until this is set right.”

Often when parents are head to head with their children, an outsider or even an older wiser sibling can be an important conduit towards better behaviour with more thought towards their actions and the potential outcomes.

Adrienne has a penchant towards ‘naughty kids’ and seeks new ways of finding what makes them tick, what interests they may have and uncover possible causes of their need to rebel.

 Come and share Adrienne Wood’s tips and experiences on the often tricky subject of the teenage years: Wellsford College (Fri Aug 17, 7pm-9pm) and Mangawhai Village Hall (Sat Aug 18, 7pm-9pm). Entry is by Koha. Check out heartsync.co.nz/Events.