Worzels World - Guns, possums, politicians and poison

 

Guns are for killing things. It is their sole purpose. If you want to dug a ditch or cut a piece of wood take my advice and do not use a gun. It will not do it. If, on the other hand, you want to kill a possum, something we should all do as often as possible, then a gun is just the thing. It’s easy and can be done by anyone who is not blind or suffering from Parkinson’s disease. You simply get the little V and the nipple thingy lined up with the possum, then pull the little lever provided. 

I have, once or twice, grabbed unwary possums with my bare hands swung them about by the tail and bashed them to death on a tree or a tow bar or something. You can take it from me that a gun is a lot less bother and kills possums better and quicker.

Because guns are specifically designed for killing they are inherently dangerous. Firearms are slightly more dangerous than a sharp stick and much more dangerous than a marshmallow. They are however less dangerous and kill less people than automobiles, tobacco or governments. 
For safety reasons children should be kept away from guns as well as from automobiles, tobacco and governments. The way kids are today, if they learn how to use firearms they’ll slaughter us all.

Humanity has achieved a competence in the production of reliable and functional guns that it has been unable to match with such things as sponge cakes or computers. What is amazing to me is that with so many guns around there are any possums left at all. I think this may be because too many guns are used to kill people rather than possums and this has had a distorting effect on the production of killing tools. 

The production of tools designed to kill is the last bastion of that once great manufacturing nation of America. Guns are only a small part of this. There are also bombs and missiles and 1080 poison. Of course heat seeking missiles and cluster bombs are a great deal more expensive than guns. Unlike guns they can only be used once. Also while they can play merry havoc with terrorists, they are next to useless on possums. One of the problems though with killing terrorists is that friends, relatives and countrymen of the people getting killed become resentful and end up strapping on a pound or two of Semtex or TNT and blowing up a bus station, a military outpost or some other public amenity. After that everything starts getting sad, confusing, expensive and dangerous. Everyone gets sidetracked and they all forget to kill possums. 

I have shot many possums, yet not a single possum has blown up a bus station or military outpost, proving unequivocally that killing possums is preferable to killing people. This naturally enough brings me around to the continuing furore surrounding the use of the poison 1080. Unlike guns, but much like bombs, missiles and suicide bombers, the death 1080 causes is indiscriminate rather than targeted. There is also a larger debate around whether – in these days of widespread pollution and the proven contamination of water supplies from e-coli, estrogens, nitrogen, heavy metals, and a plethora of other chemicals and medications – that the widespread distribution of any known toxic substance can possibly be a good thing. 

What can be proven is that over the course of centuries the targeting of specific animals by hunters is very effective in reducing numbers. The dodo, sabre tooth tiger, moa, white rhino and woolly mammoth are clear and obvious examples of hunters effectively reducing numbers. The numbers of these animals were reduced to zero – the lowest number possible – without using any toxic substances. On the other hand 1080 was liberally distributed through the Brynderwyns in the early 1990’s and only a few years later the numbers were back to normal plague and pestilential levels. It was, like so many other government initiatives, a complete waste of time and money. 

We don’t even make the stuff here. Some government ministers have shares in the company that imports 1080. New Zealand buys more 1080 than any other country. It is banned in many countries. There have been many arguments put forward for its use. None are convincing. There have been many calls to ban it – none of them acted upon. Isn’t it about time government acted in accordance with the will the people? Otherwise they simply become like the possum, a pest to be gotten rid of. Thankfully in New Zealand this can be done without the use of either guns or poison.

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“1080 was liberally distributed through the Brynderwyns in the early 1990’s. Only a few years later numbers were back to normal plague levels. It was, like so many other government initiatives, a complete waste of time and money.”