28 Mar, 2022
While striving for perfection seems a perfectly noble goal, it is in fact quite ineffective and exhausting. Mindfulness helps you to dismantle your perfectionism and open the door to emotional growth.
Not good enough
Perfectionism is often caused by the fear of not being good enough and being rejected by family or friends. This goes deeper than feeling as if your achievements aren’t good enough: perfectionists believe that they, as a person, aren’t good enough. This belief usually starts its development when we are growing up – maybe we have received a lot of criticism from our parents and caretakers, or maybe we have made ourselves dependent on the approval of others. But while I was a perfectionist for many years, I must admit that it wasn’t all bad news. An immense fear of failure and strict discipline pushed me to be always better than others and do my work extremely well, resulting in money, status and appreciation.
Iron fists
But as soon as I was introduced to the power of mindfulness, I started to look at my perfectionism with new eyes. Suddenly I was able to see that it had not only brought me success, but had also caused a painful lack of self-confidence and physical disorders. Also, in all those years of strict perfectionism, I had safely stayed within my comfort zone, since I felt that a risk of failing had to be avoided by all means! Perfectionism had clasped me firmly in her iron fists and kept me from discovering new possibilities and talents. Apart from that, perfectionism caused so much stress that I could never do my work in a relaxed way.
Now I even think I could probably have enjoyed more success, money and status if I hadn’t suffered from perfectionism and chronic stress. If you feel you’re a perfectionist, ask yourself how rewarding success, money and status actually are when you always have to force yourself to overachieve. How can you enjoy life if you’re never really happy with the results simply because theoretically you could have done better if you’d pushed yourself harder?
Your best version
No matter how admirable perfectionism might seem, do realise that it’s limiting you in your personal development. Perfectionism revolves around being perfect and being the best. But paradoxically it’s this very attitude that keeps you from being the best version
of yourself. When you want to do everything perfectly – avoiding risk and always playing if safe – you’ll never be able to discover new possibilities within yourself.
The power of failure
Mindfulness helped me to shed my stifling perfectionism and explore different talents. Sure, I make mistakes, but I understand that it’s the only way to learn and grow. When letting go of perfectionism and developing your talents, don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by the fact that you’ll make a few mistakes along the way. This is a natural part of the process of opening yourself up to new challenges and opportunities. So be courageous and take that first step. Whether you’ll enjoy success or fail miserably, you’ll find that it will make you a lot more resilient and interesting!
n Marisa Garau is a mindfulness expert who has lived in Mangawhai since 2007. Find more practical tips on how to de-stress your life at her website or flick her an email if you’d like to have a personal chat: marisa@growingmindfulness.com
