Shining light on the darkness of suicide

 

BY JULIA WADE

A local community advocate organisation opened up a conversation recently to tackle a sensitive and often misunderstood subject, well-known for triggering uneasiness and fear. 

Te Whai Community Trust Mangawhai offered ‘Let’s talk about it – Suicide in Aotearoa’ as ‘an opportunity to start a discussion’ in the community. The seminar was facilitated by founder/manager of Te Waka Youth Services, Melanie Torkington, who specialises in adolescent mental health and suicide prevention.

Held at the Mangawhai St John training room on August 9, the talk bears even more significance due to the latest suicide of a 15-year-old east-Kaipara boy in recent weeks.

Te Whai secretary Sue Poynter says the session proved successful and was well-attended especially by professionals, counsellors and social workers from local agencies such as Otamatea Community Services and Te Ha Oranga. 

“Which seems to indicate the lack of professional development available for them in this very important field,” she says. “Feedback on the session highlighted the scale of the suicide issue and the need for a light to be shone on it so it is open to discussion and not hidden from view, in order to destigmatise. 

“While there was a need expressed in the community for more social connection, it was also highlighted that there is a danger in non-professionals providing uninformed support and the need for more services, both nationally and locally.”

Scary topic
On opening the discussion, Torkington says suicide is a ‘scary topic’, one which can trigger and confuse and cause people to not ‘talk about the truths of suicide and its real prevention’. 

“It’s about life… it’s about death’… What are our fears? What are we worried about happening when we talk about suicide?” she asks. “Not talking can lead to pained people remaining in the dark through fear of being judged or not being understood.”

For an individual with suicidal ideation, Torkington says taking their own life can appear as a comforting thought, a fantasy, the ultimate escape, a doorway out of pain and the only answer a person can imagine to their problem. 

“Suicide and the causes and factors and ‘cures’ are as diverse as the individual,” she says. “When a person is suicidal, they don’t always see suicide as a bad or painful thing, like we do when we are well and not suicidal. Living in denial… is not going to move us forward. To understand and prevent suicide we must understand what it is like for people when they are suicidal.” 

Contributing factors
Experiences including social isolation/disconnection from identity/culture; loss of a significant support person, job, physical ability/health or environment; abusive or relationship breakdown along with a lack of coping or problem solving abilities are all factors that have the potential to set off vulnerable individuals on a downward spiral to contemplate ending their life. Societal aspects such as masculine stereotypes, living in remote/isolated rural communities, difficulty accessing mental health support or crisis services are also causal factors in suicidal death. Youth and Pasifika people are especially vulnerable. 

“To get to the point for someone to seriously consider suicide, there is usually an experience of a complete lack of ‘resiliency factors’ or ‘lifelines’. When people experience one of these things it can be difficult. However when people experience a loss, even a perceived loss, of many lifelines at once, it can put them at risk.”

Warning signs that may indicate if a person is contemplating their own death, are long and varied. Besides having previous suicide attempts, signals include direct and indirect verbal expressions such as ‘people will be better off without me’ and ‘I don’t want to live anymore’; dramatic mood change, agitation and aggression; risk-taking behavior, impulsivity; withdrawal from family/friends and giving away possessions. Lack of self-care or self-neglect including increase drug/alcohol use, changes to sleeping/eating patterns, significant weight loss/gain and loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, can also indicate intent to end life. Unusual happiness and peace after an intense period of turmoil may be an ominous sign too Torkington says. 

Direct response
Responding to someone who is struggling and contemplating suicide begins with directness. A question such as ‘I’m concerned about you right now. Have you been thinking about not wanting to live anymore?’  shows interest and care as well as giving permission for the individual to talk openly. 

“Persuade them to not to end their life. Listen to their story. Validate their struggle and pain without judgement. What are other solutions? What are their lifelines?” she says. “Persuade them to get help. Say ‘I need to make sure you are safe. Let’s call some people who can help you through this time or tell us where to go from here’.”

If possible Torkington says make the call for the person to get the professional help they need and go with them to the appointment. However, sometimes knowing the person has sought and attended a meeting is the ‘second best thing’. 

“Don’t leave them without equipping them with 0800 numbers in the very least. Make them promise to call one if they start feeling at risk again and definitely before doing anything to hurt themselves.”

If coming across someone who has attempted suicide or are in immediate danger to themselves, call 111. 

“Stay with them until support arrives. Remove any obvious means of suicide they might use such as ropes, pills, guns, car keys, knives… and make sure you are safe,” she says. “Try to stay calm, take some deep breaths, keep them talking, listen and ask questions without judging. Let them know you care.”

Calling out for a lifeline; why people take their own lives is as wide-ranging as individuals themselves. Allowing those at risk to openly talk without judgement, to feel understood and supported, can help to prevent suicide. 

Where to get help:
 Need to talk: Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor. 
 Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
 Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
 Healthline: 0800 611 116
 Samaritans: 0800 726 666