Worzels World - Oh dear, it's election year!

 

Yes it's that time again. The time when our politicians display their only real skill, that of self promotion and public persuasion. Oh dear, it's election year.

The show had already started when John Key announced the date for a general election. It will, no doubt, continue on its shameless and demean-ing way, up to, and quite possibly beyond September 20 as coalitions are formed and deals are done to sort out a functioning government – something that has proved an impossibility in the past. My heart sinks and my mind reels at the thought of what is before us. What we will hear has all been said and heard before. It was rubbish then too.

Already John Key has tried to introduce the red herring of our flag in an effort to distract voters from more important issues. That red herring didn’t fly. The voting public refused to chase a wild goose that had run out of steam and become an albatross around its neck.

Apart from ridiculous mixed metaphors, the media by and large don’t help matters either. Nor do the incessant polls which prove, election after election, to be wildly off the mark.

While there are no guarantees in life there are a few near certainties. I am willing to wager my shirt that the following will occur before we peasants cast our votes in that only poll that counts. I am especially confident about this bet as I don’t know of anyone who would want my shirt.

There will be much exaggeration and over-statement. Complex issues will be glibly oversimplified to the point that debate becomes meaningless and futile. Almost every candidate for almost every party will give voters a least one good reason why nobody should ever vote for them. Very few will give any good reason why anyone should do other than ignore them.

As much as we might like to ignore them, we will not be able to. Politicians, faces painted with false smiles, will look at us confidently through screens, from billboards and out of newspapers. Their inane words will be quoted as if they actually believe what they say. And scarier still, some will actually believe what they say. Catchy meaningless slogans devised by marketing people will illustrate yet again that marketers and politicians assume that the majority of New Zealanders are morons.

Election day results will prove yet again that their assumptions are not totally unfounded.

The message from the incumbents: ‘Look at what we have done, it’s very good, no-one else could have done better. Trust us, we know what we’re doing.’ The message from the wanna be’s: ‘Look at what they have done, it’s disastrous, we can do it better. Trust us, they have no idea what they're doing.’

This country has 121 ministers of parliament. By my reckoning it’s about twice as many as we need in a country this size. For the next few months many times that number will be doing what is called campaigning. This means they will be taking all and any opportunity to tell you the following:

‘Please vote for me. I want to be picked. I’m really good. See me walk, see me talk, see me smile my winning smile even when I have a stomach ache or can't manage to fart. I’m sure you can tell right away that I’m pretty clever. Definitely the best available. My opponents are bad, greedy and stupid, but I have your best interests at heart. If you vote for me your future will be bright. Your life will be satisfying, your children will inherit a politically correct world where everyone is safe, hap-py and rich except for bad-dies who we will catch and send to prison.

If you vote for anyone else then complete catastrophe is inevitable. They are all incapable flaky fools. If you want a better world for you and your children, if you prefer joy and happiness to suffering and despair, then vote for us. We know what we’re doing. We have all the answers. So please, pretty please, and pretty please with pink sugar on, vote for us and most especially for me.’

That is what they‘ll be saying, in a thousand different ways. So you need pay attention no longer. Be sure to base your voting decision on what you have already seen, be-cause from now on you will only be hearing variations of the above. Politicians and the politically correct call it campaigning.

The rest of us simply call it bullshit.  „

prof_worzel@hotmail.com