The New Discrimination

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Until recently I always thought the reason why women were excluded from active combat in the armed forces was because prior to the discovery of birth control and steroid drugs their physiology was unsuited to the harsh rigours of battle. A misogynist mate informed me that this was incorrect; rather their exclusion was due to a general inability to take orders.

One way or another that is all old hat. Under the Bill of Rights woman can now, by law, be as ugly, cruel and stupid as men. Many have elected to avail themselves of these new freedoms.

In these enlightened times discrimination of many types has been outlawed by both legislation and social convention. Paul Holmes found himself in hot water for the ‘cheeky darky’ comment in reference to Kofi Annan. Paul Henry (what is it with these Pauls?) lost his job over a similar act of racial insensitivity. Dark skinned people have had it tough for so long it is now considered wrong to discriminate against them. I’m just wondering when they are going to return the favour and let a white guy win a 100-metre final?

It is frowned upon to call a black man a nigger, but if he lives on land that has oil underneath it is permissible to rob him, by force if necessary, of his resources.

Chink also is a derogative term that should not be used out of respect for our Asian brothers especially as we need them to slave in sweatshop shift work making us cheap consumer goods.

Homosexuals can no longer be referred to as faggots or queers in polite politically correct society. Nowadays they are gay, like happy children playing on a sunny Sunday, and have every right to marry or do anything else their heterosexual contemporaries do. Except the obvious thing of course.

There are no idiots, retards or mental defectives any more. There are only people with psychological disorders. These people now have the right to be treated with very strong and costly drugs which manage their problems by turning them into zombies.

Although I don’t ever expect to see a Hindu Pope or a Presbyterian reincarnation of the Dalai Lama, there are also rules outlawing discrimination on the basis of creed.

But if you are an ignorant bigot and need to discriminate against something do not despair, all is not lost. There are still many avenues for prejudice and intolerance open to the one-eyed and parochial discriminator. There are minority groups that can be disliked, marginalised, disadvantaged and generally treated as shabbily as you like. The law will not prevent your discrimination but will instead often insist upon it.

In a spirit of public service I will list a couple.

Smokers: These are evil people enslaved to a filthy addiction who are intent on poisoning you and your children. If anyone anywhere in the world dies of cancer or heart disease it is because of smokers. Discrimination against smokers is now framed in law by our wise and benevolent legislators. Smokers are forced to pay extra taxes, denied certain medical treatment available to others and must be ostracised from most social environments. But is this enough? Never miss an opportunity to harass anyone who is a known smoker.

The poor and unfortunate: Although it is well known that these people are shiftless, stupid people. Otherwise they wouldn’t be poor, would they? Rather than follow the example of their more affluent betters and invest their capital in the exploitation of the earth and its people, they throw their meagre wages away on alcohol, tobacco, lotto tickets and pokie machines thoughtfully provided by the rich.

Poor people are no longer a minority group but have instead become the majority. Consequently discrimination needs to take a more subtle and less direct approach lest they rise up in bulk and kill the rich as the poor have often done in the past. For this reason discrimination against the poor is best left to public institutions and corporate bodies. This leaves the impoverished confused as to

who is responsible and uncertain who it is exactly that they should rise up and kill. This does not make the discrimination any less effective.

So if you are a part of the public sector make sure you treat the common rabble with the scorn and disrespect they deserve. Remember it is far easier and more effective to kick someone when they’re down. Lawyers, utility, finance and insurance companies should work on the basis that a fool and his money are welcome as customers, and the sooner they are parted the better. Always remember to add that little extra to the bill. This is not discrimination but is now called standard business practice.

■ prof_worzel@hotmail.com

But if you are an ignorant bigot and need to discriminate against something do not despair, all is not lost… There are minority groups that can be disliked, marginalised, disadvantaged and generally treated as shabbily as you like. The law will not prevent your discrimination but will instead often insist upon it.