Worzels World - Learning to fly

 

I have flown through the atmosphere of this old world many and various times in many and various machines owned by many and vari-ous companies. i’ve al-ways enjoyed flying. And what’s not to enjoy?

The take off, especially in the bigger jets with pilots unafraid of giving them full stick, can be exhila-rating. The added advan-tage with an aggressive start is that if an engine doesn’t blow a foo foo valve under these condi-tions it will almost cer-tainly chug along for the rest of the trip. entertainment is provided or you can provide your own. Pretty women bring you food and you can have a drink or seven while someone else does the driving.

On some trips the flight was more pleas-ant than the destination proved to be. And all the while i knew i was ac-tually statistically safer than riding a motorcycle in London or breathing the air in Bombay.

But times have changed. At the same

time the Ministry for Pri-mary industries (MPi) assured us that they had found every fruit fly in Whangarei, Malysian Airlines flight MH370 disappeared without trace. Maybe MPi should have joined the search?

A short while later an-other goes and gets shot down. Quite understand-able really. A bunch of soldiers hanging around bored. A missile launch-

er handy. it’s only hu-man nature it’s gonna get fired sooner or later.

To round off a busy week for gravity, some fishermen hauled up a downed airplane out by the Barrier.

Flying is not as safe as it once was. And like it or not we’re all flying:

Attention passengers, thank you for flying on Spaceship Earth. We are

presently travelling around the sun at 108,000 kmh, and on schedule to com-plete the 94 million km trip in about a year or so, give or take six hours. We will then arrive back where we began and start all over again, continuing until such time as you disem-bark.

The ship you are sail-ing on is one of the classic

models and boasts many practical features installed for your enjoyment. It was thought at one time that this spaceship was inde-structible, but since the Titanic went down there has been less certainty and most insurance companies don’t want to know about it. However as it is the sole planet travelling this route I’m afraid you’re pretty much stuck here.

Oceans and continents have been thoughtfully positioned by the manu-facturer to cater for your needs and pleasures. How-ever due to budgetary con-straints and unchecked vandalism these are show-ing significant signs of wear and tear. Conse-quently fishing, swimming and sailing will be regulat-ed and land ownership re-

stricted.

Any passenger wishing to end their journey may do so at any time. Digging implements are available and the terminus is located six foot down. In a crisis, any convenient ocean may be used for emergency exit. Apologies to passen-gers in the economy class sections of Iraq, Afghani-stan, Palestine and West Auckland who have been

recently feeling the effects of turbulence. A reminder to any passengers forced to terminate their journey prior to attaining their desired port. There are no guarantees either stated or implied. There will be no refunds. Your ticket is not transferable.

Please feel free to avail yourself of the many activi-ties available to ensure you

have an interesting and satisfying journey. I am sure this trip will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for everyone.

Some matters to bring to your attention for your information, safety and continued flying pleasure: Currently this ship is car-rying 7.4 Billion humans. It is thought that this is close to, or even beyond maximum capacity. We are unable to confirm this as the instruction manual has been misplaced. The catering staff, while doing their utmost under difficult circumstances, are unable to cope with increasing demand. Our sympathies (if not our food) goes out to those travelling in third world – sorry folks, there is not enough to go round and if some passengers must starve, it may as well be you.

Passengers in middle class and those working their passage are advised not to sit down or buckle their seat belts. Due to de-

clining numbers in this sec-tion we must ask that you work longer, harder and more efficiently for less. Those not complying will be downgraded to third world.

Full service though is available to those in busi-ness and corporate class. Those wishing to upgrade are advised that the price is one soul, which can be cashed in at any one of our currency exchange counters.

I would like to encour-age all passengers to take care of the spaceship as we have no others currently available. If this one be-comes unserviceable you will either be grossly in-convenienced or forced to alight. Please note the posi-tion of your nearest emer-gency exit.

Thank you for flying Planet Earth, have a nice day. „ prof_worzel@hotmail.com